Did You Ever Know that You're Our Hero?

PLAY THIS BEFORE YOU READ. 

I was having a usual Friday afternoon back in September 27, listening in my last class, while playing around to make the time fly, when suddenly, I received a text message from my mom telling me and my brother to visit the hospital where my grandfather was admitted. Mom blurted out how my Lolo's condition was getting worse. My world stopped for a moment, and remembered the times when I missed on seeing him. 

Before going to him, I chatted and dined first with a friend, since I'm not that type of cancelling plans in the last minute. I lost the track of time, and realized it was already late to see him, likewise, the streets were overcast with a slight drizzle. I don't know what angel pushed me that the next thing I knew, I was in his room, greeted upfront by my two aunties who were already in tears and in extreme sadness. 

Confused, I moved towards him as my father lent my hands to hold his. He's still conscious and his senses were still working. He knew very well who have just arrived. I never expected him to be in that state, having shortness of breath while watching boxing in the television. I was still holding his hands, giving him slight massage, when we started to pray the rosary. By far, that was the saddest moment of my life. Having not much to say because I was holding back my tears. I hold on tight to him and waited for him to release my hands first. I believed that was the least I can do that night.    

I was willing to wait for him to get some rest before we could leave, however, my Dad who was trying to joke around and make him smile, decided that it's time for us to go home. Lolo uttered my name and called on to me. As I said my goodbyes, I whispered to him we will be back soon. As if telling him to wait for us before he could permanently sleep. He nodded, giving me signal that we could go. Then, I kissed his forehead. 

That night, before I went to sleep, I asked God for my grandfather's immediate recovery. I asked Him for more time that we could get to spend together...and for what He plans, we will be willing to accept it.

I didn't expect God would answer my prayers that soon.

I could hardly get up the next day when, at around noon, my mother cried out that Lolo has just passed away. It didn't sink in first. I couldn't believe it because the last time I told him was to wait for us to come back. I couldn't bear the sorrow that just swallowed me so my eyes burst into tears like a flowing river.

But, wait.

By the time Dad called unto us to get there at the hospital, it seemed that what I heard earlier was just a false alarm. Grandpa was still alive, he was just dying. I don'k know what are the odds that played on us that time, or is this some kind of a twist I will have for my story. On my way, I had a slight relief that I could be with him for the last time, but what bothered me most is the thought that I wouldn't take to see him die, and definitely, I didn't.

I was the last person to arrive in his room at the hospital. All the family members were present. My cousins were on the floor and my uncles with my Dad just went out with the rest to eat lunch. When I went near him, again, I was speechless. I knew the moment I would open my mouth and say something, my tears would just flow simultaneously, and I don't want them to see how emotional I get when it comes to moments like this.

Grandpa was the exact opposite of what he was last night. Bed ridden. Eyes closed. Quite. Everyone in the room was paying attention to the scanner attached to him. At first, his vital signs were inconsistent. As everyone were trying to get out of the room in groups, my cousins and I went to the clinic of our Grandmother who is a physician. We stayed there for a while, but not for long.

As we were waiting for something good or bad that might happen, one of our Grandpa's sisters came rushing in front of us. She wasn't saying anything, but we knew then that something's not right and we might as well head back to my Lolo's room. As we arrive, one of my younger cousins who is around 9 or 10, was already shedding her tears at the door. Well, that was it, the moment we left the room, my grandfather's vital signs started to decline.

I never knew that would be the last time I will hear from him...

It is not the first time that I have experience death in the family, but it was my first time to witness someone dies. I thought all those intense weeping and howling only happen in the movies, well right there and then, it's just happening for most of us.

September 28, 2013. R.I.P Lolo Andres Tapales, Sr.

Everyone remembers him as the great judge. "The Supreme Court." The Giver. The Santa Claus. He has a very admirable and inspirational past. He was still young when both of his parents died. Even though he wasn't the eldest, he took the responsibility of sending his five sisters to school and supported them until they became professionals. Lolo was a very good provider for his own family and for his sisters. That's why everyone looks up to him. For some reasons, he may become authoritative and strict at times, but there's always a fun side of him.

Lolo Andres taught me the value of family bonding and get-together's. His happiness relies whenever his children and grandchildren are complete. He would reach out to every family, especially ours here in the city (since they all live in Tigbauan). He's a family man. He always remembers each one of us. 

He would always give us something out of his pocket even that would be his last penny.

Enough of the eulogy.. It doesn't matter anymore because he wouldn't be able to read it.
With his passing away, I couldn't imagine how sad the home in Tigbauan will become, that was once filled with laughter and joy. It would be really different without him in it.

Lolo, wherever you are now, you will always be in our hearts.

I love you. I will miss you. 

Summer Kind of Wonderful

Classes have already started four weeks ago, but undeniably I still have the summer fever. 

I just can't believe that it seemed to went by so fast; faster than Britney Spears marriage to Jason Alexander.

Why does it have to end so soon? 

Am I not deserving of sands and tan lines (and hot guys on shore)? 

Though I thank this year of at least two decent meals a day and allowance, I still missed the lazy and nocturnal times of my usual summer.

As part of moving on and finally going back to my life as an aspiring pharmacist, let me show you some of my unforgettable high moments and the stimulants involved: wink wink

Reunited with closest friends and had ourselves some of Fuel's teas and pastries
(although not shown in the picture) 

Never miss the chance of being together with the ones worth keeping and remembering. 

Building up camaraderie at Adventure Park, Guimaras with college classmates

For risk-takers (like me), try this exhausting survival game, paintball, and know how long can you last.

OR this rappelling. Looks like we had been deceived by this rock face while we're still on the ground. Trust me, it is not easy as it looks like. 

A sky full of lanterns.

 I was there for the world, too. 

(I am a disclaimer of this photo.)
Summer Playground 2013. 

Summer nights. Summer vibes.  

You know you had a blast when,"What the hell happened last night?", is all you can think of in the morning.

No one misses the damn beach. (Though, I'm quite overdressed here)

Paradise at Puka Beach. 

Spotted dream catchers. 

It's an open bar. Suite your self. 

Tonight's remedy: Mojitos. 

2013's summer just blew me away. I didn't even notice how it slipped through my fingers. I managed to escape even if I had classes to attend to. Chilly nights, sober thoughts, best friends, all these and more made a complete recipe. It's always nice to try something new whether under the prickly heat of the sun or under the shadows of the moon. Summer might be over, but another one (or someone) is just around the corner. ♥

Le départ

On my favorite spot, once again, I've been overshadowed by these contemplations over the past year. I've realized how much more important it is to just let your fingers do the typing and eventually your deep thoughts and feelings will follow than remembering or thinking about them in your head, listening to what your mind says and letting your heart compromise, again.

To tell you honestly, I was very reluctant at the beginning to write something like this. Too cliched. But everything just keeps on coming back, telling me that it's time to leave all what has passed and start the year with a very pure heart, filled with happiness, contentment, kindness, and love; no more sadness, dissatisfaction, cruelty, and hate.

Just as any other good friends of mine would say, 2011 is quite a year. There are many ups as well as the downs. There were many heartaches and despairs, yet lessons and chances arose from these two, which is basically the reason why I had to go through them. Blessings in disguise, I would rather say. 

Many things were forgotten and lost yet much more things were remembered and found. It was a year of departures. Leaving such an Alma mater with all the courage you've got is way unbearable.(That's according to me.) Since, high school was so far the best thing that ever happened to me, I just wanted to stay there forever, with all the people who I never thought could make me who I am today and with all the people who I just know for who they are. Leaving all my other prophecies of the future and just focusing on what my heart truly desires. Leaving the ones who shattered my heart into pieces, who broke my trust and hopes, and who never ever handed down their insensitivity in front of me. It's time to LEAVE. 

Some say you leave because you can't take it. I say, I leave to start anew. 

On the brighter side, while you're actually on that melancholic process, you'll always be accompanied by the ones who choose to stay with you when everyone else turns left and the ones who care and feel for you when everyone else gets imprudent. Sometimes, you'll come across or bumped into people who you never thought would mend those broken pieces☺; as another treatment for that wounded heart. 

Well, another year is just another year. YET this time, I rather wish to stay than to leave...

New World: No Giving up

2nd semester is just nearly 6 days to go. This means a new set of schedules, rooms, teachers, and classmates, yet with the same goal and motivation. 

Back in the days where my feet sore for all those tiring tracking of my rooms, where I couldn't just help it but to have a map or some tracking device. My school is huge. Talk about a 24-hectare university where you wish for a mean of transportation across the buildings. Back in the days where I met some annoying, arrogant, and lazy teachers; which is not good, and you were like checking the minutes left from time to time during classes. Back in the days where I have to make new friends and blend in. It was really hard to mingle with the new faces because each has his own field of interest, their nature is different from where I got used to. 

Indeed, everything was strange. Everything was different from high school. I thought it was gonna be easy, but it took me a while to adjust. 

The first day of school was the day that marked the end of my high school life. It was the day that I really felt that I am no longer a senior anymore, weird because I didn't feel that on our graduation day and the following days after. It was the day where I finally went back to my senses and realized I'm in a whole new world now. 

As I was adjusting and exploring, I felt loneliness, sadness, and boredom. It was as if every minute I want to meet with my friends 'coz I miss them so badly! Well, I know, they're all part of the drama. I know, I'll get by and I did. With the help of my closest friends, all the sickness went away. Every time we see each other, I realize I was never alone. However, I know that I shouldn't rely on them which made me befriend my classmates and get to know them more. They are not bad after all, nor neither good as what I expected. The thing is, I can go well with them, with their interests, and views. I'm happy 'coz I was never out of place.  Yet still, you can't refuse to choose the people you wanna spend your time with at school and you can't refuse to not like them all. 

Sometimes, I wonder if this is the place I should be. 

But if not here, where?

One morning, as I was making it to my first class, some questions just popped out inside my head, and I wonder if I could ever make it, not to my first class, but to my graduation day #futuristic. I wonder if I could get a degree on BS Accountancy on time. I wonder if I could make it to the cut-offs and pass all the qualifying exams each year. I wonder if I'm still gonna be a regular accountancy student four years later. AND I wonder if I can handle everything with all the unsettled issues back home. 

Accounting was very new to me. It was a whole new word added to my vocabulary. I had lots of disappointments at school and my major subject was one of them. I'm disappointed because it seems that the whole system was unfair. I don't know but I felt that there's no more second chances at all. It was do or die. Oh well, I can't do anything about it, I just have to face it. Instead of whining, I took it as a challenge. I didn't stop even there's nothing option left but to give up, yet I didn't. I said to myself, "This is what I've chosen, I have nothing to do but to go with it." Every time I think of these stuffs, I ask God if what he thinks, I ask him, too if this is also His plan for me. Unfortunately, I still don't have the answers, but somehow God gave me a sign. A sign that is meaningful to me. A sign that says, you're just getting started, you still have a long way to go. Fortunately, I made it to the first cut, and this was the sign I'm referring to. 

I know I can make it. I can make it because I believe. I believe because I have to. I have to because if not, no one will. 

This 2nd semester, I have to exert more effort and more focus on my second accounting subject. There's no more turning back. I can make it. I can make it. I will. I will. So if you think you're that bitch who doesn't believe in me, think again, karma might just hunt you! 

She's Blue: Her Dilemmas

As she lends down the envelope to her, she responded nothing but a heartache. Flashing an indifferent look broke her heart. All she needed was help but it seems that some matters are not important to her and are insignificant. All she needed was attention because that particular matter involves gold. "sigh"
And to add to her dismay, she realized that his matters are more particular to her(not she).
So depressing it is to feel this way. So depressing it is to feel this way.

Damn! Damn! Damn! Less loved, she stares blankly at the shadows of the wall, feeling the droplets fall down her cheeks. Yet, she can't let her emotions rule her, she can't let the droplets fall again, she can't let depression beat her, and she can't give life to her thoughts as what she believes in. She just can't because she shouldn't be. End of story. She opened her eyes, got up from bed, brushed her hair, and lived the day.